Dangerous Protections
by Eradicated Illness
Summary: DISCONTINUED
1. 01

Chapter 1  
  
Duo was crying again.  
  
He would sometimes wake up crying after nightmares of repetitions of all the deaths he felt himself accountable for. He could never cry silently; he'd sob and whimper out of control, free to vent his emotions. I had admitted to myself that I was jealous of this freedom, however foolish the jealousy was. I knew every sound he ever made; I could judge how hard his nightmares hit him each time, how sad he was. I knew this because I listened. When Quatre, the braided boy's best friend, would go and comfort him, putting his arms around him and whispering that it would be all right, I'd lie on my side and listen, even as Wufei would stand inside the door of Duo's room and look supporting and strong-Wufei always had a soft spot where Duo was concerned. I listened and ached with the other boy's pain, ached with my own pain at not being able to help him. I could not go to him like the others could. I could not help him as I could not help myself.  
  
Duo's sobs rang throughout the large apartment and I nearly clenched my sheets. His dreams had really tortured him tonight. I closed my eyes and tried to sleep but I knew I wouldn't get any more shuteye; I never did after he was upset. Hours passed and I heard Wufei return to his bed on the opposite wall of the room we shared and then Quatre returned to his room with Trowa after Duo had quieted down. With luck he would get some sleep tonight, or rather, this morning.  
  
I watched the alarm clock, the red letters glowing dully in the dark, until the numbers flicked to four o'clock. I rose in the darkness; there were no windows for sunlight to stream through. Stepping to the bathroom, I washed and dressed after my cold shower. Lacing my sneakers and running my fingers through my hair, I mechanically walked to the large, spacious kitchen and started the coffee. The pot was old, but much loved by Quatre so no one had thrown it away for its slowness. Pacing quietly, I debated going out, but decided against it until I had my coffee and checked the news, which, I grimaced inwardly, wouldn't come until four thirty, in fifteen minutes. I dug a muffin out of a nearby drawer. It was one of Duo's favorites, chocolate-chip. I put it back and retrieved a simple corn one. I would not eat what Duo would inevitably want later; though the chocolate was the last thing he should have this early in the morning. Eating the semi-fresh muffin, I wondered when my next mission would be. I needed to get away for a few days, get away from Duo's charms before he drove me crazy with wanting him. I had admitted to myself a while ago-I can't remember when-that I was in love with the stupid boy. I loved everything about him, from his girlish braid which he kept immaculately groomed with a strange pride, to his boyish attitude. He was the only one of us that actually managed to act like he was a teenage boy, and not a machine trained for war. He was the complete opposite of me.  
  
I hated that love. It went against everything I was taught and destroyed the mental shields that had been erected around my mind during my training.  
  
The bubbling of the coffee pot jerked my thoughts back to the present and I glanced at the clock, four thirty-five. I dispassionately left the apartment, and walked down the stairs. I never bothered with the elevator if I could help it. A pile of newspapers lay stacked outside the door of the building, I found one that looked promising, despite whatever paper I was supposed to get. Back in the kitchen, I poured myself a cup of straight black coffee and opened the newspaper as I sat down. The heading read 'WTC Destroyed!' Skimming through the other articles, I sipped my coffee and organized the new information in the back of my mind. Most of it wasn't worth the time, but it might be handy to know later.  
  
"You up already, Heero?" I started, but betrayed nothing with body language. I had the ultimate control over my bodily reactions. Duo slouched into the room, dark bags under his still-pink eyes. He poured himself a mug of coffee and shoveled sugar into it by the spoonful.  
  
"Hn." I eyed the amount of sweetener he was putting into his coffee. He noticed.  
  
"Ick, coffee tastes awful, but I need it to wake up." Quatre had told him not to drink coffee because of all the sugar he puts in it. I let him indulge in his habits without speaking.  
  
Nothing was said about his ordeal last night as we sipped our coffee. We both pretended it hadn't happened. He exclaimed over the heat of the liquid and attempted to engage me in a conversation. But I ignored him, still reading the newspaper. It pained me to ignore him, habit though it was. I would love nothing more than to listen to him rattle on about something unimportant. But I could not, if I was to keep him safe from me. I could not burden him with my love if he didn't love me, too. I could not comfort him; I could not take care of him. If, perchance, he loved me back, all I could offer him was my eventual death and the accompanying grief. He had had so much grief in his life already. I could not do that to him, therefore I would stay distant. I could not care less how it affected me.  
  
I finished my coffee and shoved my chair back, rinsing out the mug so Quatre wouldn't have a fit over his stained dishes and tossed the newspaper on the table. Duo glanced at the name of the paper.  
  
"Hey, wrong paper Yuy. Where's the 'Courier Express'?" Duo followed me out of the room.  
  
"Hn." I walked through the living room and he scuffed his feet on the thick rug.  
  
"Where ya goin', Heero?" He clasped his hands behind his back, fingering the end of his chestnut braid.  
  
"Out." I opened the door.  
  
"Can I come with ya?" His stupid American accent is appealing.  
  
"No." I slammed the door behind me. I might have hurt him, in fact I probably did.  
  
I wandered along streets, not really caring where I went. The early morning grey brightened and soon the sun was overhead. My feet turned down a wide street and found myself in familiar surroundings. Shops lined the street on both sides and people walked and laughed together, shopping for what they needed and what they wanted. I came here to buy the few things I spent my money on. Digging a hand into my pocket, I found a few bills and wandered to the nearest candy store and examined the choices before choosing one: Willy Wonka's Nerd Rope. It was one of Duo's favorites. Paying for the sweet, I left the shop, ignoring the way the clerk looked me up and down, and then tried to get my attention. I continued down the street, maintaining my mask of indifference to the world around me.  
  
When I turned a corner, a man fell in beside me. He motioned towards the candy.  
  
"You're letting your emotions get in the way." He studied my face as I replied. I kept it just as stony as it had been all day.  
  
"I don't have emotions."  
  
Dr. J chuckled, apparently pleased with my answer. "Exactly." He disappeared down a side alley.  
  
Growling under my breath, I crisscrossed the city. Asphalt stuck to the bottoms of my sneakers as I traversed a freshly paved road and crossed to the sidewalk, the cement scrubbing some of the asphalt off the soles of my shoes. The sun sank and the darkness came, bringing on neon lights and hookers trying to catch your eye. My footsteps were guided back towards the apartment. Climbing the stairs, I entered and crossed to my room. After hiding the candy underneath my mattress, I made my way to the kitchen. Quatre assaulted me as soon as I entered.  
  
"Where have you been, Heero? I told you to call if you weren't going to be here for dinner!" He poked me in the chest with one finger, slightly comical in his frilly pink apron, "And you didn't eat lunch either! I know it!" He rambled on. Quatre had really taken the housewife position to heart. When we first moved into this apartment, under orders of course (or Duo would have had us in the fanciest hotel), we had had a few problems renting the large apartment for the summer because we were all so young, not even out of high school yet. I wangled it and we moved in. Quatre, after seeing the large kitchen, had taken on all of us as a responsibility and made sure we all ate right and slept enough. He was always busy and rarely had time to himself. Managing Duo is a full time job in itself. But he enjoyed the hell out of it and wouldn't trade it for the world. Quatre was like that.  
  
Wufei was sipping tea and reading the newspaper, ignoring the lecturing. Duo concentrated on his next move in a chess game against Trowa, one he was losing desperately.  
  
I paced past Quatre and opened the fridge, looking to do something about the growling in my stomach. I took a plate out and popped it into the microwave for two minutes. It was leftovers from the dinner I missed. Smelled like chicken, gravy, and mashed potatoes, with green beans on the side. The microwave beeped and I took out the meal and sat down at the table to eat, grabbing silverware from a nearby drawer.  
  
"Heero, did you listen to a word I said?!" Quatre loomed over me.  
  
"Hn." I began to eat at my usual pace, the pace I do everything at.  
  
"Checkmate." Trowa settled back in his seat, pleased but bored with the outcome of the game. Duo never won against Trowa.  
  
"Wanna play again, Tro?" Duo reset the board, the plastic pieces clinking together dully.  
  
"..." Trowa left his chair, his long body gracefully sweeping upwards, and left the room, leaving the door swinging behind him.  
  
"I'll take that as a 'no.'" Duo stated glumly. Then he brightened. "Heero! Will ya play with me?"  
  
"Hn." I finished eating and cleaned my plate at the sink, putting it into the dishwasher. Wufei glared at me over his newspaper. He had a perverse pleasure in making me do things with Duo. Playing chess, watching movies, you named it and if I didn't have a reason that even Wufei couldn't argue with, he'd 'make' me do it when the Braided Wonder asked. Mostly I let him make me; it wasn't such a bad predicament. I chuckled inwardly and sat down opposite Duo. He exclaimed his delight and made his opening move, a cute, excited look in his eye. I made mine and he attempted to engage me in conversation once again. He chattered incessantly and in five moves he was beat.  
  
I got up, not bothering to shove my chair under the table, and proceeded to the living room. Duo tailed me.  
  
"Heero, play with me again!" Duo didn't care if he lost. He enjoyed the game because it was a game.  
  
"Hn." I needed to think. I slid The Poe Reader out of the bookshelf and slid into a window seat, pulling the curtains closed behind me. The living room and the kitchen were the only rooms with windows and because we lived on the top floor of the three story building, the windows were dog house windows, causing roomy window seats to be formed inside the apartment, just big enough to stretch or for two lovers to curl up in. I had made this one my personal domain. The Braided Wonder stuck his head in and grinned at me.  
  
"Can I come in?" His cheeky grin grew wider.  
  
"No." His grin faded and he pouted, pulling his head out of the curtains. I heard him grumble and stub his toe-his cursing gave it away-as he lounged back into the kitchen where, by the sound of the dishes clinking together, Quatre had enlisted him in unloading the dishwasher. I opened The Poe Reader to the first story, The Black Cat, and began to read. Restless, I concentrated on the book with only a small portion of my mind, enough to register that there even was a book in my hand, and listened with all my being to everything going on around me. Inside the apartment, Wufei and Trowa settled down to watch television and Quatre rattled about, dusting this, vacuuming that. Duo was sulking in the kitchen. Outside, cars beeped and dust settled for the night as the day faded to twilight and then to the grey of night in the city. Duo loved cities. Since moving here, I had come to see what was so great about them. The subtle beauty of a simple street, the constant bright conversation of passers-by, the startling neon lights, I noted them all and appreciated the fleeting peace they had to offer. Time passed and soon Trowa and Quatre retired for the night, flirting as they entered their room. Wufei growled and Duo chuckled. I could imagine him pinching Wufei's cheek. Wufei stalked into our room and slammed the door, and Duo closed the door behind him in his single room. I continued to read, and when the book ended, I sat and stared out the window at the beauty of the night-time city.  
  
Hours passed and I sat up from my relaxed position. I left the cubby-like compartment, retrieved the candy from under my mattress-Wufei slept like a log, there was no chance of waking him-and snuck into Duo's room. The boy was snoring softly, his eyelids flickering as he dreamed. I caressed the side of his face in the darkness, smiling to myself as I placed the Nerd Rope on his pillow. He smiled and softly nuzzled my hand, his fingers curling around the candy. I retreated soundlessly and went to my own room, sliding between the sheets after I undressed. It was a while before I fell asleep, the pearly gray of near-morning slid underneath the door and I closed my eyes and dreamed, beginning to sweat as nightmares claimed my mind.  
  
When I opened my eyes, the door to my room was open half way, allowing just enough light to pale the darkness. I rolled over, slightly disturbing the sheets, and suppressed a groan. My head ached, a sharp throb behind my eyes. I glanced at the clock, three thirty. I stretched and rose, throwing on a new set of the same green tank and black spandex shorts. Stalking out of my room, I was accosted by none other than Duo.  
  
"Whee!" He started bouncing off the walls. Rubbing the back of my neck in a vain attempt to get rid of my head ache, I walked into the kitchen, watching Duo before closing the door behind me. He amazed me sometimes.  
  
I turned around and started. Quatre was right in front of me in his apron, a wooden spoon in his hand, and his hands on his hips.  
  
"Either you leave early and come back late, or you sleep all day! This has got to stop Heero! It's unhealthy!" I ignored him with another suppressed groan at a stab of pain behind my eyes. I opened a cabinet and grabbed a jar of pain killers.  
  
"Just one Heero!" Quatre said, "You've been taking those way too often. You're going to get addicted!" I swallowed three of the little pills and tipped a tumbler under the faucet to wash them down with.  
  
"Heero! Do you listen to me at all?" Quatre looked worried. I sighed inwardly, suppressing yet another groan.  
  
"What's up with Duo?" I closed my eyes and leaned my forehead against the cabinet.  
  
Quatre glared at the room. "Some moron left candy on his pillow last night. The moment he woke up he ate it. And then he broke into the sugar jar!" The blonde seemed quite peeved. I snatched up a washcloth and bathed it in some ice water from the fridge. Going to the living room, I lay down on the couch and draped the dripping cloth over my eyes, further shading them with my arm. Slowly the pain became a dull throb, an improvement over the previous sharp stabs. The others wandered around the room, Wufei came in and Quatre started cooking. Smells of roast beef reached my nostrils and soon he was screeching for everyone to come eat. He insisted on 'family' dinners. I didn't move. I could hear my name being called, and then someone saying I must be sleeping.  
  
A few minutes later something pounced on me. I twisted and flipped the offender over, straddling him at the hips. I opened my eyes and saw Duo grinning at me nervously, the small knife I kept hidden in my tank at his throat. My reflexes were too good; his stalking skills had gone up as well. A faint blush frosted his cheeks and I removed the blade and got off of him, feigning exasperation. When he got off the couch I resumed my former position and replaced the cloth over my eyes.  
  
"Heero, Quatre says you've got to come to dinner." He seemed suddenly shy. I wished I hadn't pulled the knife on him. It was his own fault for jumping on me.  
  
"I'm not hungry." It was true.  
  
"You haven't eaten anything all day!" Quatre yelled from the kitchen. I shifted onto my side, facing the back of the couch.  
  
"I'll have something later!" I shouted back. I got a muffled reply and it sounded like Trowa was talking to Quatre. Duo rejoined them and I was left to my own devices. Twenty minutes later dishes clattered and silverware clinked, as they were loaded into the dishwasher. Quatre came out, and bent down beside me. I peeked a look at his face and saw worry filled eyes. I sighed inwardly.  
  
"Heero? Are-" He was interrupted by someone knocking on the door. More correctly, he was interrupted by someone banging on the door. Wufei answered it and let a tall man into the room. He surveyed his new surroundings with frosty silver eyes and smiled unpleasantly, his tanned skin twisting in a rictus of amusement. Short blond hair, combed back with gel, gave off a slight shine.  
  
"Attention, boys, I'm your superiors' new superior, Mr. Smith." He flashed a badge just long enough for us to make sure it wasn't a fake. We lined up and stood at sharp attention and saluted him. He looked us over, his gaze lingering on Duo, before focusing on me. "01, as leader of the group, I will need to speak to you in private."  
  
"This way, sir." I led him to my room and he shut the door behind us. I stood straight in the center of the room, and he paced around me, looking me up and down.  
  
"Dr. J says that your emotions are getting in the way." His eyebrow quirked as he stopped in front of me, a bare foot away.  
  
"I have no emotions." I repeated the litany that had been drilled into my mind ever since I had started to train. Emotions were a weakness. They destroyed concentration and clouded the mind.  
  
"You may say that, but is it true?" His eyebrow quirked again. "I was told how they broke you, and," he added, looking me over again, admiring me, "I would love to break you again." My eyes widened slightly.  
  
Unclothed, I laid in a puddle, a mixture of sticky fluid and my own blood. Dr. G pulled up his pants, glad to see that I finally didn't care about what was done to me. I had stopped fighting, and emotion by emotion, they were all killed. No part of me was willing to resist any longer. Before the doctors crowded around me, satisfied that I was able to begin my training, I glimpsed one face in the room's single clouded window. Nearly an illusion, the violet eyes stared back at me, wide with shock. I watched the eyes while Dr. J decided he wanted to have a little more fun with me. I-  
  
Jerked out of the memory loop, I growled under my breath. But he continued speaking.  
  
"And 02," He grinned, licking his lips, "Perhaps he needs to be kept under control, as well-"  
  
I slammed him against the wall, my knife against his throat. I pressed the blade on him just enough to break the skin and let a drop of crimson trail down his throat. My eyes narrowed viciously.  
  
"You keep your hands off Duo!" I hissed. He grinned, as if this was going according to his plan.  
  
"Then I propose we make a deal. I'll leave 02 alone; if you. say. provide my entertainment?" I didn't like the sexual connotation on the word 'entertainment.' I sighed and released him.  
  
"Fine!" I snarled. His grin widened. He grabbed my upper arm.  
  
"Then I'll be expecting my first payment in a few minutes. Come with me to my limo." He dragged me out of the room by my arm and out of the apartment building with a cleverly designed excuse to the other pilots, and into a black stretch limo.  
  
Once inside, he used me and used me for what seemed like hours. I tangled my fingers in his hair to keep from my natural response, which would be to strangle Mr. Smith. Finally, he plopped heavily beside me, breathing hard.  
  
"Damn, you're good." I didn't respond. "Much better than say, at the age of six?" I repressed the memory and shivered. He chuckled. "Get dressed and get out."  
  
I did as he said. Outside, the sun was fully down, and the moon shown bright, dimming the few stars that could still be seen over the light of the city. As I walked back to the apartment, I attracted a few stares. I kept my head down and ignored them. Inside the building, I shaded my eyes against the bright light of the hallways. My headache was back with a vengeance. I took the elevator instead of the stairs. Slouching into the apartment, I stalked into the kitchen and tipped the last six painkillers into my mouth and swallowed before Quatre could stop me. The other three watched me warily. For once I didn't look ready to kill; I looked ready to massacre them all. I reached for the sleeping pills, hoping to take a heavy enough dose so I could forget tonight, but Blondie beat me to them.  
  
"No, no, no, Heero! You've taken thrice as many painkillers as you should have already! Are you trying to kill yourself, or what?" I advanced on him, growling heavily in my throat. Trowa stood up sharply, ready to defend his Angel, though Quatre could hold his own, even against me. I backed off. Normally I would have taken them both on, but. not tonight. I walked, my shoulders slack, into my room and kicked off my shoes before sprawling on my bed belly down, my face towards the wall. Quatre came in after me.  
  
"Heero? Are you all right? Is there anything you want to talk about?" Quatre kneeled beside the bed and tentatively rested a hand between my shoulder blades. I tensed and he took the hand away quickly.  
  
"Go away." I growled at him. Trowa poked his head in the door, making sure Quatre wasn't going to be mauled. He could be overprotective sometimes.  
  
Quatre got up and closed the door, apologizing to Trowa. He returned to my side and replaced his hand between my shoulder blades and rubbed relaxing circles into my back.  
  
"It's just us now, Heero. You can tell me anything and nobody will know but me and you."  
  
"Quatre?" I mumbled.  
  
"Yes, Heero?" His voice sounded hopeful that he might get something out of me. Fat chance.  
  
"Out." He realized I wasn't going to talk and sighed.  
  
"My Space Heart aches for you, Heero. Something happened tonight. I don't know what it is, but I don't like it." I didn't reply and he left the room, closing the door behind him and turning off the lights. "Try to get some sleep." He mothered us too much.  
  
I didn't go to sleep immediately. I slowed my breathing until it evened out and closed my eyes. After a while Wufei came in and settled down to sleep. And finally, I drifted off.  
  
I awoke to a fog filled mind, slightly dizzy with the overdose of drugs. At least the headache was gone, sort of. Glancing at the clock proved the time to be mid afternoon again, but this time I didn't get up. I groaned and rolled onto my back, one arm covering my eyes. I had been stripped to my boxers at some point during the night.  
  
Duo came in and turned on the room's two lamps. I grimaced at the bright light. Slowly taking my arm away from my face, I propped myself up on my elbows. Duo grinned and placed a carefully balanced tray over my midsection, it's four little collapsible legs keeping it from tipping over. On the tray were a big stack of hotcakes, a mound of toast, a bowl of fresh fruit salad, a tall glass of milk and a glass of orange juice.  
  
"Quat says to eat it all. You know the saying, feed a fever!" he chirped brightly.  
  
I stifled a groan. "What fever?" I mumbled. He put the back of his hand against my forehead.  
  
"Your fever, of course! Quatre was worried so he checked on ya 'round midnight. You were blazing! You were really knocked out, too. We couldn't wake ya up. Don't take so many pills at once." He beamed at me. I ignored the food. I wasn't hungry, despite not having eaten in one and a half days. Such things as hunger could be suppressed.  
  
"Where is everybody?" I pressed a hand to my head. There were no sounds of activity outside of the room.  
  
"Trowa persuaded Quat to see a movie. He was reluctant to go. He was worried about you, man. But he worries about everything." He waved his hand to show that he was exaggerating. "Oh, and Wufei's at the gym. Said something about not being able to stand my chatter. What a stupid excuse." Duo shrugged his shoulders. "So, eat up!"  
  
"I'm not hungry." I turned away from him, nearly upsetting the tray.  
  
"Aw, come on, man, I made the hot cakes just how ya like 'em, and I didn't even burn the toast! Well, mostly." There was a slight whiff of charred smoke on the air. "I'm under orders to see that you eat!" He saluted me playfully. He touched my shoulder, and amazingly, I rolled over at his fingers' resistance. I pursed my lips. His face lit up. "We're gonna do it the hard way, are we?" He picked up the fork and stabbed a piece of fruit. Holding it up before him, he inspected it before eyeing me. "Shk! Shk! Wing Zero needs to land for repairs. Would the hangar like to open for him? Shk! Over!"  
  
Amused, I shook my head. He was playing with me.  
  
"Shk! Come in, Pilot! Wing Zero is running out of fuel and must land soon. Do you copy? Over! Shk!" He waved the fork in front of my face in imitation of the Gundam flying. I opened my mouth to say that I could feed myself, but he shoved the fruit inside quickly and I closed my lips over the fork. He slid the utensil out of my mouth while I chewed.  
  
"There! That wasn't so bad, now was it?" He grinned cheekily at me. A bit of juice from the fruit dribbled down my chin and I wiped it away with the back of my hand.  
  
"I can feed myself." He looked slightly disappointed, but not very. He shoved the fork into my hand, and leaned back.  
  
"Then eat." He grinned at me again. I loved that grin.  
  
"I'm not hungry." He took the fork from my hand and stabbed another piece of fruit: a strawberry.  
  
"Shk! Pilot, come in! Over! Shk!" He waggled his eyebrows at me as he waved the fork in front of my face. I was hard pressed to suppress a laugh.  
  
"Give me the damned fork." He laughed and handed over the utensil, watching as I ate. Everything was delicious, as I expected it to be. I finally put the fork down and emptied the last drops of juice from one of the glasses and Duo whisked the tray away. He popped his head in the door, his forehead creased with worry.  
  
"Do you have another headache? Quatre bought some more painkillers. He said if you really needed them you could have one. Emphasis on 'one', Heero."  
  
I shook my head and he bounced into the room, all traces of worry gone. I tried to get up but he pushed me back down.  
  
"No, no, Heero. You have to stay in bed today."  
  
"Why?" There was no reason for me to stay in bed.  
  
"Well, you're sick of course." He sat down on the side of the bed. "We were all worried after you took all those painkillers. We thought for a moment that you actually tried to kill yourself. Trowa said your fever was so high because of all the pills you took. They were extra strength. Did you know that?" I nodded in the affirmative. "Yeah, I figured. Nothing gets by you, does it? Nothing but a raging fever! Just joking, just joking." He said when I glared at him. "If you need anything, call, okay Heero?"  
  
I growled, "I don't need you to take care of me."  
  
He grinned again, "Au contraire, monsieur. Tu as besoin de moi." He chuckled. "Pardon my French." He got off of my bed and flopped onto Wufei's, staring at the ceiling before looking back at me. I turned on my side to keep an eye on him. "Do something exciting, like, have a seizure or something. Then I can play paramedic instead of nursemaid!" He appeared excited at the thought, though I knew he was joking. He left and returned with The Poe Reader. "You're always reading this, so I figured I'd read it to you."  
  
"I can read to myself. I have not gone blind." He was being thoughtful towards me. I enjoyed the pleasantry before I had to destroy it.  
  
"Wow, Yuy, two whole sentences! I had no idea you could do that!" he joked, "Anyways, I know you can read-I'd be pretty thick not to notice-but I thought I'd read to you anyway."  
  
"Fine." I propped up my knees and put my arms behind my head, lacing my fingers together in a relaxed position. He opened the book, and sat down on my bed again, leaning against my legs. It felt nice having him there. We felt closer somehow, more than physically. He read most of the book to me, occasionally giving out horrified noises and saying, "Ug, Heero that's gruesome! How can you stand this stuff?" before Quatre and Trowa walked into the bedroom; we had been so engrossed in the book we hadn't even heard them come in the door.  
  
"Well, don't you two look cozy." Quatre chirped, "Dr. J contacted us today. He said we could have a holiday of sorts because a temporary truce has been called so both sides can regroup." I growled low in my throat. There'd be no getting away from Duo if there were no missions. Quatre continued, "He said we should have the summer off. Isn't that great?" I snarled mentally. I would have nothing to do, nothing to plan for or look forward to the whole summer, just a seemingly endless wait that would drive me insane. I mentioned as much, nearly startling the others with so much speech.  
  
"We could go to the beach!" Blondie offered cheerily.  
  
"That's not what I meant!" I covered my face with a pillow to stress my point. I received a muffled reply from Quatre and he left the room, Trowa following in his wake.  
  
A few fingers danced across my ribs, and I shot upright, hissing. Duo chuckled and repeated the gesture, causing me to suck in my stomach in reaction to it, before I caught his wrists in my hands and held them away from my body.  
  
"Duo!" I hissed.  
  
"I promised never to tell anyone about it. I never said I wouldn't act on my knowledge." He laughed. Duo was the only person who knew about my one tender area. He called it my tickle spot, said every person had one. I called it my weak point. Whatever it was, it was the third rib up on the left of my ribcage. Duo, however, didn't have a 'tickle spot.' If you did it right, he was ticklish everywhere, but no matter what you did, he would always be super ticklish on his stomach and ribs. It was one of his weaknesses. All you had to do what poke him, and he'd crack up and have to wipe tears of laughter from his eyes.  
  
I acted on that knowledge. Grasping his wrists in my left hand, I tackled him onto his back and straddled him at the hips. His eyes widened, and, holding his hands above his head, I slid my free hand underneath his black shirt and began to tickle him mercilessly.  
  
"Heero-no! Hahahaha! Stop-stop-please!" he laughed, his face reddening. My digits roamed his skin as he bucked beneath me, trying to shake me off. I drank up every bit of him, leaving behind tingling nerves and taut skin. The door to the apartment opened and closed. I leaned closer and closer to Duo, unable to keep my eyes off his pink lips. He stopped moving and watched me breathlessly, a blush forming on his cheeks. Our faces were only a few inches away-  
  
"Am I really seeing this? Mr. Missions-Are-My-Life is having a tickle fight with the Braided One?" Wufei was standing inside our door. He must have come in from the gym. I scrambled off Duo and into the safety of my sheets. He sat up and made a hasty exit, waving goodbye shakily. I struggled to regain control of myself. I almost kissed him. I almost kissed Duo. I almost blew my cover and screwed everything up.  
  
(sorry but I've probably got most of the characters wrong because I've only seen five episodes a long time ago and Endless Waltz a gazillion times, RxR please!) 


	2. 02

Chapter 2  
  
My fever was gone the next day. My companions finally let me out of bed. I lounged on the couch with a glass of orange juice and watched the news. Reports on the World Trade Center were coming in and videos of it falling were being played over and over again. Outside, the light was failing.  
  
Duo ran in frantically and shut the door on a gaggle of adolescent girls. He skidded in front of me and grabbed my hands, bowing over them.  
  
"Heero! Heero! You've got to help me!"  
  
"You're blocking the news." I tried to push him out of the way but he hung on stubbornly.  
  
"Please, oh please, Heero!" he whined.  
  
I sighed and turned off the television. "What is it?"  
  
"I need a boyfriend!" he cried.  
  
I blinked. I wasn't expecting that. "I'm not 'Heero, the Instant- Boyfriend'."  
  
"But-"  
  
"Explain." I growled. This was going nowhere.  
  
"See, a while ago, I met these girls. I think they fell in love with me or something. But anyway, they wanted me to go out with one of them, but I didn't want to, so I told them I was gay. They said they didn't care and wanted to go out anyway! So I told them I had a boyfriend. Then they said they wanted to meet him! Gah! What am I going to do? Help me, Heero!"  
  
"Did you ever think to tell them he was on a business trip in America or something?"  
  
"I did that a month ago! They asked when was he coming back and I said today! Now they want to meet him! Help me, Heero! Please, I'll do anything!"  
  
"Get Wufei to do it." Wufei would surely be willing to fake it for a price.  
  
"But everybody knows he's straight! They'll never believe it! And don't even mention Quatre or Trowa. Everybody already knows they're together and if they thought I broke them up, they'd beat the shit out of me!" He was whining now. He looked like he really needed the help.  
  
"Fine." I growled. "But make it fast."  
  
"Great!" he shouted and grabbed my arm and pulled me out the door. We were swamped immediately by ten or so girls. They crowded the hallway and we pressed against the wall.  
  
"Uh, hi girls." Duo started to sweat. "This is-this is-Heero, my boyfriend, yeah!" They looked me up and down and frowned.  
  
I growled under my breath.  
  
"Yeah, he's just got back from that business trip, so he's kinda tired. So, uh, we'll be going now."  
  
They pushed against the door, keeping it shut. "We want proof!"  
  
"Uh." Duo was at a loss as to what to do.  
  
"We want proof that he's not just one of your buddies that you conned into faking a relationship with you!"  
  
They wanted proof, eh? "How's this for proof," I growled. Pressing Duo against the wall, I wrapped one arm around his slim waist and one around his shoulders and captured his lips in my own. My eyes bored into his, his were wide with shock. Fireworks seemed to go off and stars shimmered, while the girls swooned and made catcalls. Duo's arms curled around my neck and his tongue gave my lower lip a tentative lick. I nearly gave in and opened my mouth to him. I broke the kiss off, my knees weak, but before I could get away, Duo slung an arm around my waist. He looked disappointed but pleased nonetheless.  
  
"Proof enough for ya, ladies?" The idiot grinned before ushering me inside after they nodded dumbly.  
  
"Wow, Heero, just wow. That was-that was-"  
  
"Shut up." I stalked away from him and climbed into my window seat, yanking the curtains shut behind me. I could not believe I did that. That was the single most stupid thing I've done in my entire life. Especially since I kept my eyes open. Anything can be read in the eyes.  
  
After a few minutes I opened the window. Climbing onto the sloping roof, I climbed the short distance to the top of the doghouse window. Straddling the peak, I gazed at the stars. I reached up to grasp them, but my hand closed on nothing. Like everything else in life, they were out of reach.  
  
A week later, Mr. Smith came for me again. Afterwards, I contracted the same fever I had had before. Once again, I awoke without memory of the fever and with a massive headache and slight bruising.  
  
Throwing on a pair of sweats, I made my way to the kitchen. Inside, Duo tried to catch my eye. He'd been doing that all week, ever since I kissed him. I ignored him more than ever. I suppressed a groan at the growing pain behind my eyes. I started walking towards the cabinets, but I physically stumbled at a sharp stab of agony. Another one hit and I fell against the cabinets, my vision wavering. The lights were too bright and stung my eyes. Duo stood up quickly and moved towards me. The sound of his chair hitting the floor sounded like a rocket in my ears. I fumbled with the door of the medicine cabinet and managed to get it open. My hands quaked and knocked the small bottles around, unable to grasp even one. The next stab of pain was like a blow to the head. I collapsed but felt hands grab me under the arms. I peered upwards, wincing at the light, through the haze to see Duo trying to hold me up while I thrashed. "Leggo." I mumbled.  
  
"QUATRE!!! QUATRE! TROWA! SOMEBODY GET IN HERE!!" Duo screamed. His voice shattered my eardrums. I didn't realize I was screaming until Quatre came running in with his ears covered. He sprinted to my side, with Trowa close behind. My vision faded in and out, the pain itself keeping me from passing out. Trowa ran out again and retrieved his medical bag. He reached inside and pulled out a bottle of clear liquid and a syringe. Filling the needle up he pushed it into the crook of my elbow and oblivion claimed my mind.  
  
  
  
I was still recovering two days later. Trowa had gotten migraine pills from Dr. J, along with a liquid form that could be injected into me as a last resort. I lay on the couch, bundled in a blanket, too weak to walk far. I hated to be weak. I despised the situation and slow recovery. A pounding on the door brought Quatre running out of the kitchen with his hands covered in flour.  
  
"Where's Heero?" a voice growled. I grimaced. It was Mr. Smith. I tried to get up but found I couldn't.  
  
"Heero's ill. He can't come out." I sighed with relief and allowed myself a small smile. God bless Quatre. But my luck was not to last.  
  
Mr. Smith pushed his way in and found me. With one arm under my legs and one supporting my shoulders, he made a suitable excuse to Blondie and took me out to his limo. I tried feebly to wrap the blanket around me but he ripped it off and left it in the hall. Inside his limousine, he did the same as always. There was never any variation.  
  
Then he kicked me out onto the curb and drove away. I crawled to the apartment stoop and sat down, resting my head against the banister. I shivered, despite the thick summer heat. I lost track of time while I waited there, unable to make it back to the apartment. My vision blurred and flowers seemed to grow out of the sidewalk. Elephants ran down the road and gingerbread people walked by. I began to sweat and my head drooped.  
  
Something overshadowed me then. I looked up to see a few of the gingerbread men. One had a three-foot chestnut braid.  
  
"Heero?" The lilting voice called out to me. It blurred and the world turned sideways as I toppled over into the gingerbread men. I blacked out.  
  
  
  
"Heero, explain yourself." The other Gundam pilots were gathered around me. They all glared at me and I closed my eyes. Once again I tried to shield my eyes with an arm, but failed. The other boys had tied me down while I was still unconscious. It was almost enough to cut off the circulation.  
  
Duo looked furious. "What do you do with Mr. Smith, huh? It's obvious that whatever it is, it's inducing these fevers and adding to the migraines. What's going on Heero?"  
  
"Is he testing drugs on you?" Quatre's face was creased with worry.  
  
I turned my head aside. "My problems are not yours. Leave me alone."  
  
Wufei was furious. "This had better stop by the end of the summer, Yuy! Or your problems will become ours because they will interfere with missions. You need to be in top condition, Yuy. So make sure it stops."  
  
I didn't say anything else and they left the room.  
  
  
  
I was fully recovered in under a week.  
  
The others knew something was going on, but they didn't know what. Life continued normally and I became my usual self.  
  
I sat in my window seat. Wufei was at the gym and the two Lovebirds were checking on the Gundams. I was all alone with Duo.  
  
I debated going out, when a heart-shaped face popped through the curtains.  
  
"Can I come in?" Duo chirped.  
  
"No." I never let him in. He should know that by now.  
  
He frowned but didn't withdraw. For the first time, he came in anyway. He squeezed himself in across from me, crossing his legs Indian style. Our knees pressed together. I moved to leave. I could barely resist him when he was this close in a confined space. But he flung out an arm and stopped me.  
  
"I saw that group of girls again. They've given up on me. They really believed we were a couple. Can you believe that? When you kissed me, they said we practically melded together. We looked like we were one being." He was breathing softly.  
  
"It was just a kiss Duo." I didn't look at him, but kept my head turned away.  
  
He grabbed my hands and I kept them loose and unmoving. "But it can be more than that, Heero!" He grabbed my chin and turned it toward him. "It can be much more than that!"  
  
I jerked my head away. "No, no, it can't."  
  
"Yes. It. Can!" He said each word clearly. He grabbed my chin again and once more I was facing him. I trembled.  
  
"No, Duo, n-"  
  
He leaned over me and kissed me. I stubbornly kept my lips firmly closed and fought him, but the enclosed space gave him the advantage. He managed to keep his lips on mine and soon his arms were around me. I tried to fight but found myself weak and limp. He broke it off and gazed into my eyes. I closed them and he leaned in for another kiss, this time gentler. I let him. I no longer had the mental strength to fight. I grew hot as he traced my lower lip with his tongue. I opened my mouth for him and he probed inside, both of us caught in a euphoric bliss.  
  
The afternoon lengthened as we embraced. Duo left a trail of wet kisses down my bare chest-my shirt had come off sometime earlier-before reclaiming my lips. Finally, exhausted, we slouched against the wall. Duo held me, but I still kept my arms at my side. We breathed heavily, sweating slightly.  
  
"So, this means we're together now, huh?" The sentence from Duo was not a question, but a statement.  
  
My heart clenched in a tight spasm of fear. "No!" I pushed away from him and tumbled out of the window seat, my legs weak and shaking. I backed up quickly until I hit the couch and used it to lever myself into a standing position, still using the piece of furniture as a prop. I grabbed my tank and pulled it over my head.  
  
Duo shoved the curtains aside and leaned out, a look of confusion and slight anger on his face. "What are you afraid of Heero? What the hell are you afraid of?!"  
  
I scrambled out of the room and took the stairs eight at a time. I ran past Wufei at the door and Quatre and Trowa on the street. Sprinting at a ground-and energy-devouring pace, I covered half the city in ten minutes. It took another four hours of running for me to figure out that all this time, it wasn't Duo I had been protecting. I had been protecting myself.  
  
I ran well into the wee hours of the morning, circling the city many times, before I stopped in front of the apartment building. Dredging up my last bits of reserve energy, I dragged myself to the elevator and then into the apartment. Quatre and Duo were sitting on the couch, with bags under their eyes-Duo's eyes were pink. I was surprised. They never stayed up this late. They got up at my entrance and Duo moved as if to put his arms around me. I quickly shoved away and hurtled into my room and locked the door. Kicking off my sneakers, I climbed into my blankets and wrapped them around me protectively. The Braided Wonder knocked and rattled the doorknob, but I ignored him. The phone rang and Quatre answered it, his muffled voice making the conversation short before he hung up. Ten minutes later Trowa and Wufei came through the door and slammed it shut. Duo started talking to Wufei and soon something clicked within the lock on the door and Wufei opened it.  
  
"Maxwell wants to talk to you, Yuy," he growled. I didn't say anything. Duo came in and shut the door behind him, isolating the two of us.  
  
"Heero." He called softly. "Heero, talk to me." I turned my face away from him. "Did I do something wrong? Did I kiss too hard? Are you uncomfortable not being the dominant one?"  
  
"Hn." I shrugged my shoulders.  
  
"Look, Heero, I know for a fact that you enjoyed those kisses." He kneeled by me and touched my shoulder. "Damnit, Heero! I want you! What are you afraid of?!"  
  
I didn't answer.  
  
Duo got up and opened the door. He turned his head back towards me. "I will have you, Heero. I will." He shut the door behind him.  
  
I squeezed my eyes closed, fighting the tears that where threatening to spill. Slowly, I drifted into nightmares of my past. I slept for two days, replacing the energy I lost in my frantic run.  
  
  
  
I stumbled into the kitchen, my legs still weak and hurting. Annoyed, I reminded myself that energy can be regenerated in a long sleep; muscles can't. Trowa eyed me over his coffee and told me "not to run myself into the ground again. Pun intended." Now I was being punned. Wasn't life just peachy?  
  
Duo wouldn't stop looking at me. I avoided his gaze while I roamed through the fridge. Grabbing some leftovers, I quickly ate them. I didn't even register what I was eating.  
  
Wufei was at the gym. Again. Quatre was grocery shopping.  
  
A voice startled me. "Hey Heero?"  
  
"Hn." I wished Duo would leave me alone. He'd only confuse me more. I hadn't even had time yet to analyze these feelings that I wasn't supposed to have!  
  
Trowa got up and left the room after hearing Quatre come in the door, arms laden with groceries.  
  
"Heero, what do you want?" Duo gazed at me enquiringly.  
  
I couldn't answer him. But before he could enquire further, Trowa bustled in and started to put food away. I snuck out the door while he blocked Duo. I planned to go out, but was stopped at the door by Quatre. He took me to his room and I followed, stumbling slightly. He pulled two chairs out from a corner and placed them facing each other. He sat down and gestured for me to do the same. I clenched my hands in my lap and looked away from him at the floor.  
  
"Heero, I realize that it is difficult for you to talk to others about your problems. But you have to open up to somebody. Or you'll burst."  
  
I didn't reply, but fiddled with my fingers. He was careful not to touch me.  
  
"Heero, tell me. What do you want?"  
  
I closed my eyes. "Nothing."  
  
"Nothing? Are you sure?"  
  
I shook my head. "I-I want-Duo." It felt like the words were being forced out of me. I didn't know why I was telling him all this. I had no control over what I said or did for these few minutes that Quatre managed to crack my shell.  
  
"Well, that's simple. He wants you, too."  
  
"No. no. I can't." I shook my head as I spoke, trying to clear my head of all confusion.  
  
"Why not, Heero?" He peered quizzically at me. Those damn blue eyes tore everything out of me.  
  
"I'm afraid."  
  
"Of what?" His voice was gentle, soothing even. It lulled me without my knowing.  
  
"I don't know." My voice shook slightly. I wasn't sure if he noticed.  
  
"Tell me how you feel when you think of Duo."  
  
"I-I don't know. I don't know anything."  
  
"Tell me, Heero. Think of Duo."  
  
"I feel-warm. And fuzzy, if you'll believe it. But it hurts. It hurts so much."  
  
"My Space Heart aches for you, Heero. Why does it hurt?"  
  
"Because I can't have him."  
  
"But he wants you. He told me so himself. He told me everything. I think he needs you, Heero. Don't hurt him like this."  
  
"Leave me alone, Quatre, just leave me alone."  
  
"You can't live like this. It's tearing both of you apart." He forced my head up and glared into my eyes, daring me to defy what I felt in my heart. He forced me back to my first memory of Duo.  
  
  
  
"What's up with this guy, Q-man? Is he an android or something?" The voice broke my concentration, causing me to drop my wrench into Wing's arm. It clattered off of steel-encased wires and clanged its way deeper and deeper. Cursing, I levered myself up and faced the intruder.  
  
"I was working, baka!" I spat at the newcomer before I could stop myself. It was the first time I let my temper get the best of me. I glared my best death glare at the figure next to Quatre. He had one hand on his hip and was eyeing me skeptically, completely unafraid. Some sort of funky preacher's outfit clung to his thin form and a long braid trailed down his back. Lengthy bangs nearly hid his violet eyes from me. I went back to work without a second thought.  
  
  
  
I got up and moved towards the door. Quatre's arm on my shoulder stopped me.  
  
"Where are you going, Duo? We haven't finished talking yet."  
  
"I have to protect myself and stay at top-functioning condition. I'm going for retraining."  
  
(sorry but I've probably got most of the characters wrong because I've only seen five episodes a long time ago and Endless Waltz a gazillion times, RxR please! Oh and I've started an FF8 fanfic so read that (Squall/Irvine)) 


End file.
